There were so many titles I could have given todays morning adventures among which “The Chickens of Mass Disdain” and “I am Schultz” were the major contenders.
This morning was a failure…..We thought we had been through the great pig escape of 2009, but we were wrong. That last episode was merely a skirmish, a trial run….today was the real thing. Did you ever watch Hogans Hero’s? I used to watch it with my big brother, along with F Troop and Petty Coat Junction…awesome 80′s re-run t.v….though I won’t claim my brother watched Petty Coat Junction. I always imagined myself as one of Hogans Hero’s, but today I discovered, I am Schultz.
I always thought of pigs as mindless eating machines, but I have discovered the wily street intellect of these ravenous porkers. Today as the fence was approached with the appetizer of pig pellets, the fence was breached….oh they claim they were just excited and really hungry, but we know better now. It’s real slick how they do it, one bops the bucket with his snout, and the others sorta crowd around you, and then it’s a real slick, trotter to the side, slip out the fence and pork bum in the clear. So, we had the fun of a mass break out- the real thing, instead of just wandering up and down in front of their own enclosure and hanging about their food shed and wandering a bit here and there, they made a mass bid for freedom…or more accurately, for more goodies.
One pig took a swell romp into the yard, another investigated the cow field and two of them made a mad dash for the other side of the farm….the chicken yard. We’re very thankful for Boomer, the C’s herding dog, who managed to encourage one of the pigs back into his fence where we fed him liberally with bread and apples and other slop….then off we went to round up the others…. Mr. Free Range Pork was investigating the chicken yard, while his two compatriots wolfed down chicken feed. The chickens, turkeys and guineas stood clumped together in outraged accents decrying this fowl abusage!
I had the girls load up a pig feeder full of slops and I went with another bucket of pig feed to round up the rebels. We managed to get the chicken feed away from them and did our best to encourage them back towards their side of the farm….here we found another interesting issue, though Boomer did a swell job containing the pigs, he seemed to feel that just getting them into any fenced enclosure was a good thing, so no matter how much I tried to get the pigs out of the chicken yard, he kept herding them back in and looking at me with hurt and reproachful eyes; why was I determined to spring the pigs that he had finally managed to get behind a fence…and like, what was I trying to accomplish anyway?
We managed to convince Boomer that the pigs were behind the wrong fence and we managed to herd them out, only to have them all make a mad dash for the woods! I was able to interest the black pig finally with the feed bucket while Boomer and Elena, armed with a stick, corralled the other two. Elena may do well with a herding dog someday. As you can imagine, throughout the whole adventure was much shouting of encouragement to each other, to Boomer, yells of “here piggy piggy suuuuuuuiieee! ” and such like. After well over an hour, they were rounded up in their enclosure and we liberally showered them with slops.
As we trudged wearily back to the house, we looked up to find the entire fowl population of the farm standing in disapproving disdain. Even Hot-Head Harry stood there, it was obvious that he felt we were so beneath him that we weren’t worth the bother. It was a very lowering feeling….going from being the big rooster on the farm to inept pig wranglers.
I’ve looked outside and the roosters are holding a conference, it’s clear that they are unhappy under our temporary management. I bet the discussion is like this:
Harry: “Rrreeedeeeeculous, to geeeve us theese…..seeely peeeg chaseeeing peeeoples”
Pierce (Harry’s brother): “rrrrrrreeeeedeeeeeeculous”
Red: “What I say is, the utter nerve of our people demanding a holiday in the first place. Do we not pay them daily? One cannot get good help these days. It is the fault of those creatures on the other side of the farm, if you know what I mean.”
One-toed Jack: “Aye…..you’ve got it rrrright there matey….I know the other side of the farm, making little excursions there now and then, don’t ya know….prrrotectin’ my interests…a set of rowdier folk ye’ve never seen.”
Pierce: “Rrrooooowdy”
Fat Bruce: “When ahhh….when ahhh….when the people…the people return….we shall….we shall…”
Red: “What I say is, we ought to let these…temporary people know our displeasure.”
Fat Bruce: “….we shall…have to…have to…”
Harry: “Geeeeeve them a peeeeeeeice of ourrrr mieeeend.”
Fat Bruce: “…..”
Red: “Precisely. We shall show them our displeasure by denouncing them loudly every few minutes, and then we shall discuss our further plans at the Rooster Ralley this evening.”
Fat Bruce: “….ahem. What you said.”
So, I’m having a coffee and a regrouping….today was a battle in our ongoing war and the more we do this I find that, like Schultz “I know nothing! Nothing!” But the good news is, I’m learning.
I shall have to go out again soon and check on everyone, I wonder if Harry will give me the time of day….ahh well…to be exposed as an incompetent noodlehead to the farm yard population is lowering but not desperate. We shall rally! Four score and a lot more hours ago my family set forth on this great homestead….
Off to get my wellies, ~Kate
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